Things you own end up owning you

 I used to wear a chain with three pedants - dragons. I never went anywhere without them, never - even if they weren't on my neck, I kept them in my pocket or in my bag. My first pedant was a gift; I got it from dad when we were on a trip in Kołobrzeg (it's by the sea; nice place though I usually prefer to be on this part of seaside that has Gdańsk), the other was a gift brought from Kraków (Cracow) - the city of the Wawel dragon, and the third I bought myself... Anyway, I lost these pedants and I feel rather naked without them. I keep on touching my suprasternal notch and finding it bare annoys me.
 I can't stop thinking about this. There were times when the chain would just stop cooperating and dragons would fly, but miraculously I always found my dragons in my jeans, tangled in my sweater or waiting in my bed to be found... and now I feel as if it was my arm that got lost... as if that necklace actually defined me in some way however silly that may sound.

 I browsed through my jewellery box, quite unhappy with the loss and at the same time unable to find anything that would replace these lost pedants... and then I thought that I turned into dragon. Over the years I bought jewellery to possess it, not to wear it. Any new piece of jewellery was a treasure, not an addition to let's say a dress. All these pieces of jewellery ended owning me - I don't use them, but they use me; tempt me into buying them and then, they demand to be left alone. Like the earrings I'm wearing today - suddenly they felt too heavy and now they're winking at me as they're relaxing on my calendar...
 It doesn't sound healthy... after all, these are just pieces of metal... or clay... or glass... or wood...

 I've decided to make an effort and actually wear something else as a necklace. By the door mom said: This one is new (well, it wasn't I bought it a few years ago but never put it on), I haven't seen it before. Is it edelweiss?
 Actually it was a mandrake, but I thought that edelweiss was a nice idea and I immediately wanted to search my favourite online jewellery shop (they have these amazing things there, I particularly love Moomins - photos below) for edelweiss pedant.
 There were no pedants that could satisfy my aesthetical needs, so finding a nice edelweiss pedant is a quest for some other time ;)

 Now some photos:

The Wawel Dragon

I never saw it do it, I usually went to Cracow
in winter time... no fire then ;/

A lovely illustration by Marta Bilecka - Dudzińska
More Illustrations ♥

And some examples of beautiful Moomin pieces of jewellery from ArtFox:

Sniff

The Snork Maiden & Moomintroll

The Groke

Snufkin

Random stuff

  Still looking for a job and trying to figure out what to do with myself. Yes, I do overthink things... - generally speaking, no change in that area.

 To do something more creative (than brooding) I've decided to organise my photos in folders, and these are the newest ones. They're colourful and as I was feeling a bit down lately, so I thought that a splash of colour couldn't hurt (much). Besides, little things cheer up the best (particularly if among them one can find a cake).

A cake with black and red currant. I thought it wasn't that bad
till I watched Gordon Ramsay's show... I wouldn't have won that contest,
but still, my cake was edible and that's something ;)

A bouquet - I personally arranged flowers XD

And couldn't resist another photo and different angle.

My pride ♥. Artemisia Absinthium.
If I could do any job I wanted, I would be Absinthe Producer.
Eccentric Absinthe Producent.

Never was a cornflake girl

Rabbit where'd you put the keys girl...?

I'm on my own in dad's office today... I have a list of things to do, places to go... though I keep thinking I forgot about something. Dad went for a bike trip abroad... so no means of contacting him anyway, he left me his cell phone as well. I don't like answering phones, like Sherlock, I prefer to text. Unfortunatelly, as an assistant in solicitor's office I can't text people...




 Have I mentioned what an amazing person my promoter is? I had an exam on Monday, and a few days later he wrote me an email, in which he thanked me for the book I gave him and sweets. He wished me enjoyable summer and all the best. I'll miss him (as it looks at this juncture that I won't be continuing studies this year). I spend ten hours thinking what to write back to him - I always have problems with official correspondence... it takes me ages to check it, double check it and so on...

 As dad told me he sees no point in my getting MA in English, I told mom I won't be staying home either to work as a volunteer in his office. I mean, I don't mind the job, I also used to work as volunteer in children orphange and in animal shelter, but the point is that I need my own money, and in my town I see no opportunity to earn it.
 I was browsing au pair advertisements and found this district of London, called Catford, obviously I googled it (google is evil, evil tool) and found this photo:

This is so adorable. We have two dogs, but for a year and four months I actually had two cats in the flat I was partially renting. I'd love to have a cat sometime. I always joked that I'll end up as this old crazy grandma who lives in the last house in the village and keeps 20 cats XD

I survived... I guess...

 So... the oral exam, defense of my project and thesis... are officially behind me. I survived, though the experience was as usual, rather stresful one. The main problem was of course my motivation level - I didn't feel like studying for that exam at all. It happens to me from time to time - when I feel there's no need to work too hard, I don't - it usually means that exam is not going to be that difficult... and then, a few hours before the actual exam, I get frequent panic attacks, I can't remember my name and my sis is calling me an idiot (just as frequently). I don't know why it works like that...
 Anyway. I had to get up at ungodly 6:15 am to get to B-stok before 9 am. We left (with mom; she thinks I'm still 5) around 7 am, and arrived just in time for me to go the dean's office to get some documents and to find out where this hellish exam is taking place. It turned out that they're going to "execute" me next door, so I barely made it through the door again. I took a seat and studied hard the history of popular culture in the US.
 Then rest of people from my seminar group came (meaning two people), making me feel a bit better, but then we started discussing when JFK was killed, and then we all got even more confused and stressed. The fact that I was the first one to enter the room did not make me feel any better. I was actually dumb enough to greet my promoter and the 'controller of quality' with "good morning", while the other English teacher (who is like 58), I greeted with "hello" making everybody stare at me as if I was insane. I don't think it is possible for me to attend any social event without embarrassing myself in some new, creative way...
 They called me inside before I was mentally ready. I forgot like 90% of words, couldn't remember what SAC stands for, and talked as if I may die without producing silly sentences... The most difficult question was: why do you think students will be interested in T.S. Eliot poetry? and what's your favourite poem by him?
 I was torn between "The Waste Land" and "A Dedication to My Wife"... but then I decided that I don't really want to explain to three men I don't know that well what "Of lovers whose bodies smell of each other" line of that second poem does to me... (which reminds me of that odd dream in which I woke up next to T. S. Eliot sitting in my bed, under my blanket and reading a newspaper... good thing there was no Ezra Pound on the other side, it would be a metaphysical nightmare - come to think of it, the most meaningful relationships in my life are with dead people... a bit morbid, if you ask me...). 
  There were no questions from the list of topics I was supposed to prepare a brief speech about, and then learn these little speeches by heart... I was a bit disappointed, but then again, I know more about "The Waste Land" than about the gun culture in the US.
 I left the room and waited next to the door for my results. The worst three minutes of my life. When they invited me back I could barely made it inside on my own, and I was shaking as if it was -30*C rather than +30*C. 
 I got three top marks: for my project and thesis, for the exam and the final grade which will be on my diploma XD Oh how I wished for a bottle of Absinthe back then... I'd have drank it as if there was no tomorrow - and to think I was so stressed, silly me.

 Now I have BA in English, MA in Law, time for a PhD... though I'm not sure if I want to date one or to get one myself XD My friend speculates it's the first option I'm thinking about... well, we were inseparable at our uni, The Mocking Duo, so she may know better ;) Unfortunately, she won't be continuing her MA studies here. She's moving out to Italy... I'm both sad and happy - for her obviously, though I will miss her. She was so adorable in her oftentimes unintentional offending of our teachers XD


 I'm still jobless, I also share the internet connection with my sister, which means I'm not as often online as I'd have liked..., and I'm helping dad in his office. I brought him a spare PC there along with my beloved printer, but it seems like dad has no interest in learning how to use it, so I'm writing everything for him. I think he likes the fact he's "the boss" and I'm doing whole work for him :P
 Tomorrow I'm going to see if there is any job for me in our tiny employment office. I already sent a few job applications, but there was no response. I start to think that this MA in Law is not really helping; I remember how no one would write to me at PenPals while I included "law graduate" in my description, once I removed it, people started writing to me like crazy (particularly men who are Christians, speak little in English and want to marry me...) - maybe I should remove it from the list of my educational achievements?
 I think that if I don't find anything here or in my university city, I'll have a short break from studies and go abroad. I'm willing to suffer as an au pair as long as it's close to Prague (but then I'd most certainly become Absinthe Addict)... so maybe London instead... or York... or Leeds (actually that was stupid, these two are rather close to each other - less coffee, more sleeping).. or Stratford upon Avon... even the Lake District... anywhere in the UK is good - after all, I have three guidebooks and "London AZ" (Rabbit couldn't resist buying it for me as birthday present - obviously too much of BBC Sherlock, both of us) -- ok, just rambling here, because for some reason I'm pretty sure that if I find myself in London this year, I'll also find RA and AR as my neighbours and I will have a nice harem with them ;)
 I need social life... or just... I don't know, I was supposed to be reading "Paradise Lost"... but it seems to be indeed lost... on me.