Bad PhD M., bad!

 As a filler for time left after presentations last week my PhD has decided to show us a movie. I really appreciate it, though sometimes I wish he didn't do it, seriously... I can't function after watching those movies.

 First he comes with "Huxley on Huxley" and it just strucks me dumb. My eyes were red throughout whole movie, as his second wife talked about books, the necklace he brought her, the letters he sent her... I couldn't stop thinking about this movie for weeks now...

 And last week he brought this: (and we continued watching today)

 Cried like stupid from the beginning (because I knew Mr. Keats biography). He (PhD M.) has to stop doing that or I may dehydrate myself completely next time. 1000 Oceans - for sure.
 On the other hand, I wonder what amazing movies he can have in his private collection...

He also said that for next Monday he will have all of our papers read and ready for discussion, individual discussion. Him and me in one classroom, discussing T.S. Eliot's impotency as a male and potency as a poet? OH GODS - what was I thinking?!

 I also think that I came up with a topic for my MA (that is if I decide to actually try to get MA degree in English): Sherlock Holmes as a byronic hero XD
 Since we're talking about Sherlock, in this movie, Bright Star, there's a scene in which, on the sofa, you can see the same actor who is playing Anderson in BBC Sherlock XD I almost hoped my cell phone will comment upon it with its new ringtone: Anderson, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street.

Looking for excuses...

 Tomorrow looks busy in my calendar. I try not to think of things I have to do. It annoys me to the point in which I have this urge to smash something... For starters, I have English Grammar test. It's one of those things I just can't figure out... I'm simply grammar blind and it shows, as far as my grades are concerned. Then I have a presentation. Luckily for me, topic of my part of the presentation is basically the same as my seminar... so in theory I'm talking about what I do during my seminar group. I still have some reading to finish for that presentation though... I don't feel like it at the moment.
 I'm also stuck with the paper I'm writing about some law issues - it's for money, deadline is on Sunday (but I have to have it ready tomorrow, so I can print it out, make necessary corrections because my sister took our home laptop - so I have no computer to write on)... I'm half way through and of course panic is overtaking me. I'm such an old and silly cow. I should know better... than to start writing anything without a considerable amount of Absinthe :) It's relaxing and inspiring... and I need those at the moment.
 On Friday I have my seminar - I'm stressing again, worried that my Abstract, Table of Contents and Introduction were less than perfect (which they were/are)... I don't know why I'm so obsessed with "perfect" things... especially if the only perfect thing in this world is a cat. Surely, I'm better at writing dissertations than producing cats ;]
 Ok... I need to stop rambling, or I'll never finish ;/ Sight of a watch repels me ;/

PS. How can somebody say, after seeing photo of a part of person's back (not lower back, mind you) that the person is beautiful? Or it's just me?
 

Home Sweet Home

 I went home for the weekend. No Internet, almost... but the old pc is so slow that one can entirely lose patience or interest in what's new with your facebook friends. On the other hand though I finally found time to  read newspapers, watch a documentary film (on otters), had engaging discussions (with my grandma mostly, for some reason she confused penguins with seals... then we tried to deal with rest of her doubts) and even visited grandma later, though I was mostly asleep (low pressure, a moment of nap turned into coma, one minute I was watching Mr. Bean and explaining to grandma the concept of British humour, the next I was watching evening news -- almost two hours later)... I also managed to get a hold of this amazing album...

and I think I'm... I just can't wrap my mind around the whole thing. I just keep thinking what an impossible life this woman had - one listens to this story and it sounds like a fairytale, but it really happened... and it means it's really possible to have such life... if one's lucky enough.

(those photos are from: http://chyra.pl/)

(those are photographs of photographs from the album)

That's the kind of life I'd like to have.

Unexpected day off

I usually have one class on Wednesdays. For three years now I took comfort in the fact, that no matter what, Wendsay morning, 8:00, I have Spanish class. But not today. The teacher took sick leave, though if I'm to be honest, I'm pretty sure she's just in Portugal or Spain for extended Christmas break :)

I wanted to spend this day creatively and do things that I'm going to need for classes next week as I'm visiting parents this weekend and they don't have computer any more... so I'll be on the Internet rehab ;) Of course I woke up around 9 am instead of 7 am, feeling lazy and giggling like silly, because I had this funny dream with my favourite PhD. I'm helpless case, believe me I know ;)

Anyway, I made it to my PC and I decided to write a note as I'm still waiting for the newest epiode of NCIS to download. That's another reason for why I like Wednesdays so much ;)

 I ♥ this crew ;) Especially Mark and David... I always had a thing for men who are like... twice my age.

I'll watch new NCIS episode, then I'll get back to my precious dissertation project. I spend two hours crying over it and then, crying again because I thought for a moment that I really made a mistake choosing this seminar... but then I just sat and tried to get the work done. I downloaded a template for WebQuest and managed to prepare like... two pages. I really hope that's how I'm supposed to hand my WebQuest to my promoter or I'm going to be really unhappy.

 I just thought that it's typical of me, to start doing something else instead of doing what I should. I mean, I wanted to finish theorethical part of my dissertation till March and then start preparing my project, meaning the WebQuest... and yet, instead of writing Introduction for my disseration (which I'm supposed to hand in this Friday) I'm working on layout ;/
 Silly me.
 But then, I was writing that essay from hell about T. S. Eliot for my British Literature class and I think I had enough of writing for a moment. That's my only excuse. And since I mentioned that essay, now I'm starting to panic as to what grade will I get, because just yesterday a thought occured to me: so my paper was accepted, but rest of people have a week more to introduce all necessary corrections. For me deadline is a deadline, if I'm to have my essay ready for Monday, 9th of January, it is ready for Monday 9th, not Monday 16th. And then I get marked for every comma, full stop or whatever's part missing, while rest learns what was wrong, corrects their essays and get better marks... eh life... if I could be more carefree and be less obsessed with deadlines... but then I wouldn't be me ;)
 Ok, enough rambling and complaining. Time to see Gibbs and rest of the team ;), and then, to get some more work done.

I survived...

 I read that essay about Eliot, surrounded by my classmates... I survived (I think). My work was accepted, unlike the rest of offered papers. It's good. I should lower the bar... but I was proud of myself for like whole fifteen minutes... a new record for me.

 This day was too much... I can't believe it's almost the end of semester... that I won't have British or American literature unless I decide to continue after BA... I have no idea what I'm going to do once I graduate. Topic of studying for two more years is a touchy one between my parents. I want to try my hand at MA... but maybe I should just leave, to some other country, the UK maybe, find a job, if lucky enough, try studying there... I liked my life much better before I graduated ;]
 Ok, enough of rambling. Time to work a bit on my BA dissertation ;) I'd hate to disapoint my promoter...

Quote of the day:

 Every minute of every day we choose. Who we are. Who we forgive. Who we defend and protect. To choose a side or to walk the line. To play the middle. To straddle the fence between what is and what should be. This was the course I choose. Trying to find the delicate balance of interests that can never exist. Choosing by not choosing. Defending a centre which cannot hold. So death choose for me. 

Because...

... I have neither snow nor livestream Sherlock, I decided to post some winter photos to improve my mood.

A view from across the street in my beloved village

One of the photos taken by accident, yet it turned out to be my favourite one ;)

The road from Budy to Hajnowka

I missed this sight this winter ;/

Or this...

Or this...

Gods, I miss winter this year...

:'(

 I have no idea how I'm supposed to wake up early enough to be on time for my first class after three weeks of witner break.
I have no idea how I'm going to read my essay on Eliot with my PhD present in the classroom. I think I'm having performance anxiety ;)
 I have no idea how I'm going to face that day... or survive that day when the only clear thought in my otherwise tangled state of mind will be: Sherlock is waiting for you at home (if I manage to get up early enough to start downloading :) ).

 Oh hell...



PS. I think I overdosed T. S. Eliot's poetry, becuse whenever I say "because" I immediately want to add "because I do not hope to turn again because I do not hope..."

 Mhm, soy loca loca loca...

Can someone explain it to me...

 How is it even remotely possible for this man

 to play a DWARF?!

 I mean... HIM? Being a DWARF?

 This is... this is... sooo wrong.

BTW. I want him to play Heathcliff. Then I can die in peace.

Happy Birthday

I'm afraid that once I start celebrating his birthday I may forget to actually wish him Happy Birthday :)

 So, Happy Birthday :)

I swear, one day he's going to be the death of me...

 A picture added by JC:

 Where he gets it from?


PS. I want it tattooed... seriously.

A quick note

 My room smells of coffee and mint. Weird combination... ;)

The usual

 I'm still enjoying my break from universtiy. I have nothing else to do but "enjoy" it, although I'd prefer to use another term - endure.
 It's not all that pleasant to spend time with my amazing roommate whose boyfriend left today to another country and she's acting as if he actually died. I'm avoiding her, because... honestly, what can I say to improve her mood? Nothing. I can't bring him back either. And I don't like to helplessly watch someone crying their heart out. So... I'm bravely hiding in my room, drinking green tea with orange, and browsing... the Internet in search of something engaging. I completed my essay and I feel... a bit dissapointed. For some reason I thought it will take me longer to complete it... I sincerly hope I won't get kicked out from classroom for adult themes I included in my work - I think it's more about sexual disorders than literature... oh well...it's done, no point in worrying now.

 On the bright side, I bought myself a book and because I finished my essay much earlier than I intended I see a good chance to spend weekend reading it. Lucky me. Although I'm pretty sure I should be reading someting for American Literature... but then again, it never bothered me that I didn't manage to read some books on time for this class. I simply cannot digest them... besides, it's not like Faulkner is the easiest writer to read, espcially for someone who is not a native user of English.

  I also remembered to borrow "Watership Down" from my friend. Amazing copy. I'll try to take some photos a bit later to share. Beautiful. I almost wish I hadn't given it to her for a birthday present ;)

 

Saw him in a shop, couldn't stop myself from buying ;)

Writing is a ...

 I promissed myself that during Christmas break I will arduously work on my essay for British Literature class and Introduction for my dissertation (actually, I hoped I can write whole dissertation, but it won't happen...), but as I always find out about things as the last person, I was told a day before my sister's departure, that she is taking laptop with herself (and it's the only laptop at home at the moment)... because of that:
1. I had to write as much as I can
2. I faced (I still do) two days of forced holidays... whatever will I do?

 I really hate it when someone ruins my plans like that. I intended to start working after her departure, when there will finally be some peace at home... anyway, I should stop complaining; I'm leaving on Wednesday and I'll be connected with the world again... I'd say that my mom has bigger problem as she's the one left with nothing but the Internet cable...

 I stayed up late, till 3 am, drinking double coffees... and I survived, I think... my wish for this new year is to stop meeting 3 am like that, I'd rather spend night in bed.