Białystok

 Białystok is the city I study in. When I came here alone, for the first time and had to find my future faculty (the first one, the second one I found easily), I was going though the park, crying and cursing everything within my sight... and I wanted to never return here...

  ... but of course I found my place here ;)

 Branicki Palace

 It's one of my favourite places to be in Białystok. Usually I'm here when it's much warmer, but today we had such a nice, although windy, weather that  just had to take a walk, especially that the palace is on my way "home" and is surrounded by a park... can't wait till the fountains start :) in the summer they have quartets from concert hall performing concertos de musica classica...

Hehehe...

 

... true, true... though I would shut up to listen to Alan Rickman...♥

* * *
 Lazy day... no Spanish class, no life.
 I'm about to go to the jewellery shop to get my little owl back ;) I'll download photos later -- it's high time to download anyway... but first, I need to visit doctor... oh, I hate it... hospitals, doctors, examinations and the smell of it all ;/ I still need to go for my results next week and register to another specialist because of that thing on my liver...

I can't...

 I can't focus. I'm supposed to hand in my second chapter (of my dissertation on T.S. Eliot's poetry) and I can't finish it.

 I can't stick to any diet, because I love food and I feel guilty for allowing myself all those chocolates, sweets (for some reason whenever I hear this word my first association is always Dr Sweets from Bones), mayonnaise or my favourite Polish dishes (Polish cuisine is a fat cuisine... but my gods, what a tasty food it is)... the point is that I eat all I feel like and then I remember that I'm supposed to let go of 8kg of myself - doctor's orders.
 I honestly don't think that's possible. 5kg - I can make it happen. 8kg... can't make it, sorry.
 But then it's in my best interest... yeah, I know it's childish but for me it's like: healthy but unhappy, unhealthy but happy... because it's food that makes me happy (besides books and Alan Rickman).

 I can't decide if I really want to try my luck with AIESEC. I have my CVs ready, I have my photos ready and my application is in 1/4 ready... but I have my doubts. I have always wanted to see the world, but I'd also like to complete my education, get a master degree in English, maybe even get a PhD... if only for this one reason to rub it in my dad's face for all those years he doubted me and my skills.
 I'm not sure though if I'm ready for this, for the changes it would bring... because it's something entirely different from taking my camera and walking through my forest.
 But if not now, then when?

 I hate this part of year when my mind is in such a tangled state...

... and there isn't a day when I'm not thinking of her.

 I guess I have too much of free time on my hands and I let my mind wander...

 I was looking for my fountain pen. I used to carry it with me everywhere, but it spilled once and I stopped carrying it... a few months ago I started writing letters again, I missed looking at ink drying on paper and the ritual of refilling my fountain pen, so I tried to find it. I looked everywhere. At home, dad's office, even here... I actually though that I had lost it (and I don't lose things). Yesterday I was drawing a comic book character and I needed pencil sharpener... and guess what, I found my fountain pen in my old pencil case. It's funny how you always find things when you stop looking for them ;)

 Ok, off I go... got too much work to do and not enough time for that...

Music

 A pity date with myself, of course I'm listening to Porter & Lipnicka as well as the Dryer.
 It turns out that all my Spanish classes are cancelled this month (it was one of those precious few I actually enjoyed)... and no one can promise that we will have classes next month... on the one hand it means that basically I have free Tuesday every two weeks (because my beloved promoter allowed me to take his class again, so I don't have to show my face on my faculty on Tuesdays, sans academic writing class every two weeks), free Wednesday and free Friday... on the other, I have nothing to do but to write my dissertation and watch TV series...

And I think I caught flu again. Somebody just... kill me before my head does that ;/

It has been awhile...

 February was one of the hardest months I had to experience this year. First problem - exams at my faculty; as always I was more stressed than it was worth... then I went home, spent some time with family and came back here to work on my dissertation. By the end of second week of February mom called to tell me that our dog died. Logically, I know that it had to happen eventually... but I guess one's never ready for something like that. Of course grandma called and tried to console me with: don't cry, you still have two more dogs... That we do have, but with Sophie it was a different story. She grew up with me and my sister, and she was always there with us... to be honest, I still hope that I might see her sitting on the top of stairs in our block of flats, waiting for someone to let her in.
 A few days after that I had to go to hospital - I finally found time. I spent five days there. It was noisy and crowdy - it's a university hospital so there are students everywhere. Every day there was at least one group of students asking about my health problems... it was weird... a group of people youger than me by two or three years asking me about my periods... But there was one funny epiosode. There was this student (male) who had to examine me. He told me to lie down, so he could  listen to my heartbeat, and then he touched my wrist to take my pulse... I started laughing as I remembered this scene from BBC Sherlock when he's telling Irene "I took your pulse, your pupils dilated...".
 Poor boy XD He had no idea what's going on :)

 As for me... well, the problem I went with to the hospital turned out not to be a problem big enough, so I didn't get any real treatment for it... but they found something on my liver (they're not really sure what it is) and I'm supposed to be under doctor's care from now on. That doesn't sound good, but there's nothing else to do about that, and besides, better safe than sorry.

 I'm still catching up with everything and I'm still behind... I hate it when something interrupts my schedule and I find myself in a situation like a current one. I'll try to do something more about it tomorrow as for today I planned to study for my Spanish test... I don't have high expectations. It's grammar after all and I'm not good at it (I'm grammar blind), no matter how hard I try.